URGENT! URGENT!

A dear friend of mine whom I haven’t seen in person for years, and who shall remain nameless, keeps sending me hilarious posts via Facebook. Couldn’t resist copying today’s missives here . . .

• • Ann: Re: Japan. Absolutely harp farp and carp. Also because of japan being in a high risk earthquake zone and included in the “ring of fire”. atomic blasts also great possibility. Recent San francisco “shakes” were testing of new weapons by the klondorkas ( who recently received weapons from the harpaaaboras). Talk that solar flares which recently destroyed everything a possibility. Why worry—earth to end soon.

• 4 hours ago

  • BREAKING NEWS!!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!! Alcapulco underground attack! This could be it! Entire underground world in code 1 alert! Contact your channels for more info.

• 3 hours ago

  • Urgent! Urgent! Attack continues in underground Alcapulco. Very RELIABLE (including channels) sources say that this attack could be ONLY a diversionary tactic for imminent attack inMiddle East. Stay tuned. Call all your channels. Contact Bill Gates.

• about an hour ago

  • URGENT UPDATE! URGENT UPDATE! Reliable sources, including supposed Steve Jobs channel report underground battles and casualties under Mexico City! Steve Jobs in direct contact with RELIABLE alien, Jesus Christ. Meetings expected to last days.

  • URGENT1 URGENT! Notice attack movement—Japan, San Francisco, Mexico. This, combined with weird weather could signal the Mayan calendar is early.