They say that death releases energy. And certainly, that has been the case with me. Already, only two weeks later, I feel swirling galaxies of energy, with no obvious direction. Not sure I will continue with this blog as before, with me commenting on current events as I see them. I’m more drawn to chronicling my own journey through the mutating ramifications of grief.
On the one hand there are lots of people who are seeing things in sharp new ways, pulling from the internet stories that meet with their intuitive and/or experienced approval as vital and important for us to either know (and avoid, or let go of, or rejoice in) or move towards. Not many of them comment as extensively as I do, which is, to me, the value of this blog. I, for one, very much appreciate knowing something about the person who is directing me to look in certain directions for the news that’s vital for regeneration of the collective human species. So a part of me doesn’t want to give that function up, as I know it serves.
But what I’m drawn to, right now, is my own grief work. There’s no denying that. I’ve always been drawn to this kind of work, since it moves more deeply into the emotional and spiritual bodies than does the usual commentary on external events. And ultimately, I have felt for many years now that what prevents transformation, both collectively and individually, is our fear of death, dying, loss of any kind.
The very idea of going deeply within ourselves to unearth the old gunky stuff that sits there, like a smelly load of shit, fermenting, inspires not just distaste, but horror. The smell of our fear is acrid. We don’t like to smell it, so we build a container for it, a black box, so to speak, and stuff it inside. But it continues to reek, and to ferment further, to the point where, unless we fortify the box, it will explode.
So, of course, we fortify the box, use our precious energy to push what wants to come up down, down, back into the unconscious. It’s just so damn ugly, so yucky! Who wants it? Who likes it? Besides, everybody else is also trying to keep a smiley face and avoid depression, with pharmaceuticals or liquor or sex or entertainment or money or toys or other drugs — just to stay “sane” (i.e. socially adjusted to the madness) enough to “cope.”
I’d like to do the opposite. I’d like to turn around and plumb those depths in myself. For I know that only by facing and embracing the the hidden parts of myself will I regenerate like the lotus, growing serenely out of the muck.
This, to me, is the beating heart of exopermaculture work, probing hidden dimensions beyond the physical, beyond the five senses, beyond even the soil and stars, to commune with the life force itself, its occult primal energy that powers the cosmos and spawns form after form after form.
I may be guided to do both, keep this blog the way it is, focused mostly on fast-paced external news during this historic time of massive change with my commentary, plus give”The Grieving Time” stories their own slot on a special page, eventually to turn into an e-book — or not!
I don’t know. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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I can only say that I feel the same, am on the same path, and agree and commit to the quest, fully.
One of the two channels I pay attention, Djwhal Khul, wrote a piece recently in which he stated that (paraphrased) the last era was about the fascination with power and the new one coming will be about fascination with relationship. I really do witness to that, and isn’t your process of grieving a death indeed part of ”relationshi”p?” with yours, and ours, deep-seeded fear of it? the dying process? the way we have institutionalized and professionalized it? (which wasn’t your experience, thank God). BTW, 8 years ago I died and returned, and I can tell you it was terrifying for a few minutes because I didn’t know why I was dying …and then it was incredibly wonderful beyond anything we can ask or think, and I’ll never fear it again. I was gone, BUT my body had not yet quit, which I realized afterwards that people are across…back and forth sometimes…way sooner than we think. The image given to me was like a turn-on electric fan… when the plug is pulled the power is gone, but it takes awhile for the blades to gradually slow down and quit rotating. Ann,please share your processing with us….its way more part of our new era to come than the 3rd D. we are constantly being bombarded with.
Interesting idea. And yes, certainly! And what I’ve noticed is that grieving, once begun, doesn’t stay within the neat boundaries of this or that death or other loss. That it spreads and spreads . . . and always, yes, I agree, what we seem to grieve is the feeling of being disconnected from what we most value, both in ourselves and each other. . . Thanks, Sandra!
Hi Sandra and Ann,
If one examines our culture, we do have such a fear of death, and seek to avoid grief, as you stated. One way is certainly through the use/abuse of substances intended to numb the feelings. Tthese are important and valuable in their place, however, as with most things humans, we are excessive. So much so, that grieving is positioned to be considered a mental disorder if it lasts longer than two weeks (DSM – 5)!
It is my belief that we are truly One, and I feel that humanity is capable of great evolution. If it accomplishes this in the arena of grief, we will feel the poisoning of the ocean, hear in our hearts the mother cow’s bawl for her baby, know the fear of the factory “farmed” animal and the suffering of the starving child.The good news is that through the opening process, we can also experience the true joys of life, as we seek and acquire the means to involve ourselves in ending suffering, experiencing, instead the joys and beauty of all creation.
It seems impossible from this vantage view. But, not as those who lack the faith or knowledge to comprehend the experience of death and life again as you have experienced, Sandra, it is indeed possible if we are indeed willing.
Comforting & Tangible is Ur Blog…Organically, the Future presents the Opportunities…TY for sharing Ur Truth