Some current pedogate videos — and more

If you can stomach it, check out the many videos and stories put up today on

and meanwhile, remember that not all you read or watch is “the truth.” And sometimes, the dissonance between (and/or complexification of) what you’re looking at and what is being said is enough to drive you crazy. I haven’t watched all these videos yet, and don’t know if I will, but the first one is an example of what I’m talking about here. I’ve yet to make myself go through the entire thing, but the many vignettes of Biden suggestively moving his hands over distinctly uncomfortable little girls while standing in line in public, the murderous murals depicted on outside city walls, and much much much worse — is enough to sicken even the hardest of hearts.

Which reminds me. Ever noticed this and other ghastly murals at the Denver International Airport?

If not, take a look next time you’re flying through. Whoops . . . I see the the evil murals have been painted over. Hmmm. Is the creepy blue stallion, nicknamed Blucifer, still there? I see that it killed its creator.

While I pay most of my attention to co-creating the new world, I cannot help but also be acutely aware of the nastiness that infects our entire society. The key is to hold the balance, between light and dark, within myself, first. Knowing that all sorts of horrific stuff hides in what should be the nurturing darkness, and that as it comes to light it threatens to overwhelm. Don’t let it. Remember that we are creators, first; and that we are co-creating, together, like a lotus from its muddy pond, “the more beautiful world that our hearts know is possible,” — Charles Eisenstein.




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Alt-Epistemology 101: More discernment advised, please! From me, too.

I received this video from several sources yesterday. One was Jordan Sather himself, since I have subscribed to this young wise soul’s short, punchy videos. I find his way of processing info/disinfo very cogent. Especially the ideas that 1) every source is just human (and can make mistakes), and 2) people fill different niches, i.e., no one can be expected to know everything. That said, he takes on David Wilcock, and despite the title of this video — which to me is misleading — shows us just why Wilcock’s point of view is valuable.

Back to the misleading title: I don’t know whether Jordan put this title on the video or someone else did. In any case, for someone who is just browsing through and only paying attention to titles (something I, and I imagine most of us, do at times), the conclusion might be that he’s out to skewer Wilcock, and with cause. NOT! But you have to watch the video to know that. So this is another place where we need to refine our capacity for discernment. I.e., “don’t judge a book by its cover.”

Meanwhile, here’s another post along the same vein, looking at what’s being put across, and asking questions that go to the heart of the matter rather than just skimming the surface, be-lie-ving whatever comes down the pike, giving your authority over to another, accepting uncritically wild claims, and so on.

An Example of Holistic Discernment and the Fruit of Critical Thought/Commentary on Kent Dunn Updates by David Nova

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Green Acres Village (lousy) photos: Community Dinner — plus acrobatics

Check it out!

Green Acres Village: Mid-March Photo essay: Community Dinner plus acrobatics


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ET Manual 101 (from 1994)

I surprised myself by reading through this entire pdf document. The language in parts of it is spectacular, made me laugh out loud. Clearly an “outsider’s” point of view.

BTW: the manual calls me and my cohorts (born during or after World War II) “crawl-ins.” (I.e., certainly not “walk-ins”! Check out the difference.)


Because human languages are not designed to grasp many concepts outside the current fixated, fear-ridden, and toxic consciousness, and also because we do not use spoken language, this manual presents us with some interesting problems. Dealing in the currency of your linguistic systems is doubly difficult because the inversion of your energy has twisted all logical meaning. For instance, the people of this planet stand in total arrogance, adamantly denying their omnipresence. They declare their separation from themselves, each other, and all life while passing this off as an act of humility. Humility is not denial; separation is denial. And maintaining that separation is the ultimate act of pride.

Your institutions operate in the same backward manner; thus, you have a national security system that is actively engaged in killing everybody, a federal drug administration that has all but recommended motor oil for dietary use because it is low in polyunsaturates, and an economic system that has convinced everyone that life is bad for the economy. As you see, it may be difficult to use your language and still hope to express the truth. Certain terms need new definitions before you begin this reading. They follow.

. . . .

After distinguishing between extraterrestrials and aliens —

Alignment, not lineage, defines the meaning of the term “extraterrestrial.” Although all life emanates from the same source, not all life is aligned with that source. An extraterrestrial is a being who is in sympathetic harmony with the essence of its genesis.

— the manual points to the real aliens among us:

You need not scour the skies for evidence of an alien invasion. Look around you instead. Look at those who are peddling fear, vending death, and poisoning the planet. Look at those who hide the truth so that the power they have derived from lying will not be threatened. And look at those sadly separated beings that have the audacity to gaze out upon the created universe, wondering if there could possibly be anyone else out there, all the while arming just in case there is. This is the alien invasion you worry about, the one you externalize and fear. It is also the one that surrounds you and the one you have been living out for thousands of years.

There is no point in fearing an invasion of alien, since the invasion has already happened and the aliens are already here. You would be better advised to fear that no true intelligence will ever show up or this planet. And you would be even better advised not to fear anything at all.

ET 101 Manual pdf

So, my question, for over two decades later: What has changed? Has anything changed? Are we still mind-controlled into fearing all ETs? Does the “ridicule factor” still rule?


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Robert David Steele: “Pedophilia is the achilles heel of the elite”

This video is misnamed. Mostly about pedophilia.

Steele claims that though Donald Trump is aware of how it’s threaded through all the levels of U.S. government and society, but especially on the east and west coasts (most say 1/3, one says 90%!), in order to go after high-level pedophiles, satanists, and child traffickers, Trump needs enormous support of the American people — not just the 27% who voted for him.

(A.K.: Most Americans still refuse to face, much less grapple with, the implications of this unspeakable corruption.)


Fascinating, Steele’s claim that the reason why the MIC still supports 1000 military bases overseas, is not for so-called national security (this phrase makes me want to gag), but to “facilitate the smuggling of drugs, cash, gold, guns, and small children for the elite.” 

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Centralization and Decentralization — and Me, and Us

Though I applauded Donald Trump’s cancellation of the TPP trade deal, I also notice myself bristling at his continuous invocation of nationalism and “America first” as where I’m supposed to put my allegiance. Check this out:

Redefining Patriotism for a World of Corrupt Nation States

So-called “patriotism,” frankly, makes me want to throw up.

Moreover, I also notice myself bristle when I see that the state of Indiana is now attempting to place AirB&B under state rather than local control.

Zeroing in further, on right here, right now, I notice myself bristle when the city of Bloomington’s zoning rubs up against what we want to do in our neighborhood.

All I can say is, when in doubt, decentralize! Get back to our roots! Localize! Only we who live here understand the way this place works — wherever that is. The more we humans try to universalize anything, the more abstract the laws and theories, the greater their failure in taking into account local details that make all the difference.

And yet, I’m not a “libertarian” either. I know that some people are just out for themselves, and will run all over others in order to get what they want. Moreover, roads do need to be maintained. But at what level? Communication systems also. But again, at what level. But what else, really? The bloated American military industrial complex exists not to protect America but to protect and enhance profits of weapons manufacturers who finance both sides of any wars they can manage to drum up.

Indeed, what laws are appropriate, and when? At what levels of abstraction in the body politic? How much “government” do we really need?

I have no idea. All I know is the increasing centralization of power is worrisome, that it may be dissolving, and that the sooner the better.

Why Fragmentation is the Solution, not the Problem

On the other hand, is it really dissolving? Here’s another point of view:

5 signs the matrix of control is rapidly evolving

Let’s do a thought experiment.

What if we see the map of the U.S. as a map of various countries, each of them the size of one that already exists elsewhere:

Better yet, let’s look again at the U.S., in terms of various visions of its bioregions. Here are two:

I would much rather think of myself as an inhabitant of, say the Ohio River Valley than of the United States. Place-based. Yes. Speaking of which, here’s a new website for a new organization that also serves as a regional hub for the Permaculture Institute of North America. I love the way the title just rolls off the tongue.

Great Rivers and Lakes Permaculture Institute

Of course, at some point, the same critique of “centralization” might be directed against permaculture! We are all engaged in eternal dance of the struggle between the One and the Many. Let us always remember to hold, and honor, both in our minds at once.




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Reflections on EXTINCTION: News from the Arctic

A post I put up recently, re: the possibility that students who use their student loans to finance spring break may be reacting (likely on an unconscious level) to the possibility of extinction, prompted an amazing comment from one reader, Anne:

I absolutely agree. We are enormously technologically competent, and we are fantastic at warm furries. Putting these two competencies together, the very least you’d think we’d be able to do is get extinction right, carried out smoothly with as little pain as possible. We’d have the technology to make dying painless, and all the warm furries to turn it into a mass love-in grieve-in hug-in ‘how I want to tailor my dying’ experience. Instead we are doing it the hard painful way, with starvation, bombs, wars, mass refugee migrations futily seeking somewhere ‘else’, nuclear war,… There’ll be so many bodies dying that the sheer disposal of them in any sort of ‘decent’ way poses global-scale challenges. Then there is strategic withdrawal from the ‘war’ we’ve lost totally. We need to ‘turn off the lights’ as we go – especially all the nuclear power stations on earth. And they take 10 years and heaps of engineering skill and heaps of money to turn off a nuclear power plant safely. If we don’t do this they will melt down as soon as the electricity stations stop functioning (part of the extinction process). It certainly changes priorities. We have mass grieving, mass comforting, and mass choosing how to do this existing existence thing. And we’re still stuck in the ‘everyone has to try to live forever’ paradigm where we make it as hard and expensive as possible to die. Hey folks, we’ve got 7.5billion++ to get through this process in a very short time. This is a logistical and emotional BIG job.

And now, I thank reader Karen for pointing me to this website:

It’s not just Guy McPherson any more. The figure “nine years to extinction” is being mentioned by scientists elsewhere.

Warning of mass extinction of species, including humans, within one decade



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Do you still be-LIE-ve in medical tests?

Oh my. Not just big pharma, but big medical technology is now coming under focused fire, thanks to Jon Rappoport, who can be counted on to point his steady, steely finger towards especially the way “health care” works in Amerrika. Which means: first ruin the environment (earth, air, water)  to make ’em sick and make ’em spend money on pre-packaged fake, poisoned “food” from Big Ag; next, make ’em work long hours at “jobs” they hate “just to get (medical) insurance,” and then, when they do “get sick” from their unfulfilling lives, make ’em spend money on medical tests that give false results, pills that keep ’em sick or make ’em sicker or make ’em forget why they are so depressed, plus hospitalizations and allopathic “mistakes” that kill, what is it now, 210,000 per year? (Numbers vary depending on source.)

So yes, that’s why I’ve steered way clear of the medical profession since I was 31 years old when I finally switched to alternative healers. Took charge of my own health. Over the decades, I have become more and more dedicated to the first principle of making care for the body primary in daily life. Of course that means organic and locally sourced food wherever possible. Of course that means paying attention to my own mind and how it tricks me into fearing this or that. Of course, it means that whenever I do get “sick,” I recognize it as the spirit giving me a head’s up through the body. I.e., bodily symptoms are symbolic of unaddressed spiritual needs. That can be a little as the need to let go of whatever I’m preoccupied with for a few days since, given my “personality type,” I do tend to get obsessed and thus unbalanced. Or it can be a major as a broken bone — which, by the way, I did  rely on orthopedics to fix a few years ago. Thank you!  There are always exceptions to my general rule.

But even then: what bone broke? How to see its function as an outpicturing of a spiritual function? For example, I broke the wrist of my writing hand. The meaning? Obvious. I needed to look again at “what I was putting out there.”

Plus:  At this point in my 74 years, I follow one unswerving directive: I must and do  — and happily! thankfully! — dedicate two hours per day to “physical culture” — and that includes 3-4 mile morning walk with puppy Shadow, plus yoga, chi kung and tai chi.

So grateful that I set my priorities where they need to be so long ago. Otherwise, there would be no way, at this age, that I could contribute meaningfully to our sorry world. First of all, I would have “lost” most of my energy. Next, with whatever energy remained I would be increasingly focused on my own infirmities, and no doubt, complaining, bitter, desperate, and maybe even dead. Probably dead. I wouldn’t want to remain here if I didn’t feel good.

In fact, for years now, I have known that I will compose my own death ceremony “when the time comes”, i.e.,  when I am no longer able to give, but instead have become parasitic. My deathing ceremony will be planned in advance, non-violent, and with full cognizance and acceptance by those close to me. Unless, that is, my soul decides to lift me out of this body sooner, via some kind of surprise. Who knows? The point is, during each and every moment of my life, as Don Juan counseled, Death walks by my left shoulder. Death is my friend and confidant, signifying the birthing into fuller life via the completion of this one.

Scandal: MRI Brain Imaging Completely Unreliable

But so is are all the others.

Explosive: A Quick Review of Medical Diagnostic Tests


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Julian Rose: We Are Walking a Tightrope through Chaos

This guy is “above it all.” We are not. That’s in part the point of Julian’s essay. Not sure what walking a tightrope THROUGH chaos would look like visually . . .

I have never, ever seen an essay that I “agree with” so thoroughly that my agreement feels more like communion. As if Julian’s words are also coming out of MY mouth — except that I can’t write that way anymore; can’t hold a focus long enough to marshall myriads of depressing details into sharp perspective while simultaneously holding open the potential for transformative change AND illuminating what we can do to get there.

Indeed, this is the exact essay I’ve been wanting to write, but all I can do with words is stab around its edges.  SO VERY VERY GRATEFUL!

Julian is an early pioneer of UK organic farming, a writer, social entrepreneur and international activist. He is the author of two acclaimed books: ‘Changing Course for Life’ and ‘In Defence of Life’. You can find out more on

We Are Walking A Tightrope Through Chaos

March 14, 2017

by Julian Rose

Rational observation leads one to be unable to deny the undeniable: the toxic burden now being carried by the Earth’s atmosphere, living matter, animals and humans, has taken us all to the brink of apocalypse. Yet, in spite of evidential states of dramatic damage to the fabric of life on Earth, radiantly beautiful children are birthing on this planet every day, as if in defiant declarations of the power of life over death.

These children are arriving even as nuclear reactors leak, catch fire and melt down, depositing their deadly radioactive isotopes around the planet. Even as a persistent drum beat ‘for war’ reverberates across continents and seas. Even as mind numbed and micro-chipped robotic humans blunder blindly onwards towards their slavish epiphany. Even as the skies are torn apart by streams of aluminium sulphate nanoparticles, and depleted uranium continues its mission as a weapon of mass destruction, to rip the very heart out of the warm corpuscles of life.

Yes, in spite of these — and so many more — acts of political, military and corporate sabotage upon the sentient veins of sacred living matter, the children of genius keep coming. And quantum physics reveals the absolute interconnectivity of the diversity of all life, and how we are one. All one.

While plants and animals suffer the fate of being genetically engineered into new species, further denaturing an already deformed environment, the humble element of water is revealed to be a crystalline gift of the gods with exceptional powers to sooth and heal.

It is an extraordinary time on this blessed beleaguered planet. Resonant with extremes. Extremes that squeeze us and squeeze us, either into acts of submission or acts of rebellion and revolution, born of revelation.

We who are ‘alive’ choose rebellion. A passionate refusal to give-in. However, in order to make our rebellion into something capable of moving forward, manifesting itself as positive action in the here and now, it becomes all important to retain focus and not be pulled out of line by that which manifests as the crazed daily reality.

So let us be aware: we are up against a gathering storm of politically led divisiveness , and as a consequence, are being blinded by a confusion of emotive, violent, media manipulated images; blind and bigoted rhetoric, ‘fake news’ and a deluge of acts of narcissistic criminal self-indulgence.

We are faced by ‘legalized corruption’ becoming the common code of governments across the world.

‘Democracy’ is morphing into totalitarian centralisation, in which the ‘executive’ takes unto itself the right to enact laws that grant, a priori, exclusive powers to the state or premier; including establishing a ‘snoopers charter’ to cover total surveillance of citizens’ activities.

But even as this is happening, higher levels of consciousness are rising up to counteract the all-out drive for the rule of fascism. At the time of writing, the Schumann Resonance is peaking at 40Hz +. A substantial increase in recent levels of between 7.8 and 15 Hz. Many believe this frequency rate to be directly correlated with an upward trend in spirit oriented energies supporting mankind’s liberation from the yoke of absolute autocratic control.

The confusion manifesting here and now on this planet, takes the form of an orchestrated war, enacted by global institutions and governments, to remove the last vestiges of what we have come to call our ‘civil liberties’. Diversity and individuality are being eaten-up by perversity and conformity. Large corporations get larger still, swallowing competitors as they go. Governments, I repeat, deftly take unto themselves ever more authority to control, with incremental accumulations of power being seized almost at will.

The centralised super-state looms ever nearer, under the monika of organized protection against a rise in ‘terrorism’. Yes, the very terrorism which the state itself instigated by embarking on violent invasions of foreign territories and massive sales of armaments to those willing to work for illegitimate ‘regime change’.

Back on home turf, crusading armies of ‘believers’ in this that and the other, slug it out in an orchestrated war of ‘left’ versus ‘right’. Extreme left versus extreme right. Nationalists versus federalists. Globalists versus populists. Divide and conquer, stoked into an all-consuming fire of blind attrition. Attrition created and financed by the planet’s dominant architects of control.

Presiding over the public face of this incendiary rabble-rousing madness, like traffic conductors pointing-up the road to hell, are figureheads of the so called ‘entertainment industry’: Lady Gaga, Madonna and Miley Cyrus. Pushing home the satanic agenda which is the hallmark of their ‘professional performance’ status.

Po faced and emotionless, their sexless sex ‘act’, cheered on by adoring mind numbed followers, becomes a potent symbol of the descent into hell which is in progress across this planet.

Yet, and this is the point I particularly wish to convey in this article, all this insanity is not the agenda upon which our focus should be trained. Nor should it be taken as the all-pervading reality in which we are entrapped.

However, for those who cannot separate truth from lies, this topsy-turvy, cruel and seemingly directionless existence is indeed the main point of focus. The foreground. A foreground in which they are completely immersed, to the point of being blind to any other perspective at all.

But for those who can discern light from dark, deception from truth and foreground from background, the blanket like fake news, hyped-up scaremongering and outright lies, are actually the background; whereas in the foreground is a vision of life based upon a deep sense of purpose, rising awareness and a growing consciousness concerning that which gives direction and meaning to life as a sacred whole.

Yes, the beautiful children are birthing here on Earth, and it is due to this rising tide of potential for deep change; the inextinguishable determination to live by truth; to stand in defiance of all that would destroy the sanctity of life. To expose the lies and those that tell them.

The trick is to refocus, so that the daily madness trying to claim our attention, becomes the out of focus background. Perceived as such, through a sharply focussed foreground of truth. So long as this proper perspective is maintained, you will not fall into the black hole which the Lady Gaga coven is enticing you to enter.

We who have come here as guardians of planet Earth have one foot in this world and one in the world to come. That’s how it is. And the foot that’s in this world, is here to take action in support of the world’s continuation. Holding the ground for future generations. Building a new society.

Sometimes we may feel inclined to have both feet in the world to come, but this would be to part company with the terrain of this planet completely. To escape. And why would one put one’s best energy into that when it comes as the natural course of things after death?

While we are alive in our physical bodies, we maintain engagement with the living; the living substance of the planet and its occupants — all beings. This ‘engagement’ is the human imperative. This involves not only proper focus, but also perfecting the art of tightrope walking; maintaining balance at a time of deliberately induced imbalance.

Beneath the taut rope upon which we balance is a chasm of unawareness. A fool’s paradise. A mock-hierarchical world of ambition, greed and cunning, led by a motley crew of political pyramid climbers, corporate pirates and desensitised bureaucrats; who have at their disposal military might and fiat money in limitless volumes.

Struggling under the suppressive influence of this cabal, are what we refer to as ‘the people’. Us. But I would like to add animals, insects, birds, bees, fish trees, plants, rivers, seas and skies; for they are equally abused.

Those of us who are ‘aware’, to whatever degree, have no business ignoring the plight of any of these life forms, including our human compatriots, whatever race, colour or creed. After all, they are the ingredients out of which a better way of life must be moulded. However downtrodden, they still represent the ingredients of the world to come.

It is our task to lay the foundations of this world to come, and we cannot do so without a very real strata of love for this place into which we were born; adding to that love, determination, courage and a keen sense of balance.

For many on the road of growing consciousness, the attraction of concentrating on ‘the spiritual path’ often precludes active engagement with the real world. Thus a split has been brought about which should never be there.

I hope readers are understanding this clearly, for healing this split is the most central issue to which our best energies should be turned.

There is no split except the one we make. Our growth, indeed our entire development, hangs on adopting the path of truth – taking action to revitalize and heal our common home, and its inhabitants – that is the conscious, actual expression, of spiritual aspiration.

One is not on the ‘path of truth’ simply because one is practising meditation, Qui Gong or yoga. That is, at best, just one half of the path. Believing that by following such regimes one has done all that is necessary to become a ‘realized being’ is delusional.

It is only when these inner focussed practices are accompanied by complementary outward focussed actions, that one can start to fully realize our un-split, integrated Godly capacities.

I am binding back together that which has been broken apart. We cannot move forward as a species until we realize, and act on the realization, that to breath ‘in’ and to breath ‘out’ is One action in two parts. To concentrate on one half while largely ignoring the other, is a recipe for sickness. And isn’t that sickness almost universal these days?

Bringing into sharp focus that which demands our greatest attention is the clue to maintaining balance on the tightrope of life, so as to traverse the chaos of a society under the thrall of orchestrated superficiality and deeply embedded indoctrination.

As the world descends into uncharted depths of engineered confusion, we who can see beyond its trappings have a critically important role to play. To keep the balance. Dynamic balance. For it is not just our balance, but the balance of the whole universe which is at stake.

In truth, we have no option other than to direct our growing consciousness into actions to free the planet from the inhuman adversarial forces that dictate the daily suffocation of all that is wholesome, vital and essential. Essential in nourishing into fruition the creativity which lies at the core of the Divine beings we truly are.


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Back in November 1978, I started a new magazine for my hometown of Twin Falls, Idaho. We called it “OpenSpace,” and its aim was to open up space in that town dominated socially by competing Christian religions. As you can imagine, all the “crazies” came out of their closets, glad to have a place where they could express themselves in art or words. The entire operation was volunteer-driven, and anyone who has been alive for a long time knows that publishing a print magazine back then was much more work than it is now, and involved, among other archaic instruments, light tables and typesetting machines. We set up the light table in the basement, and put the editorial team at the dining room table. In the kitchen, I kept a pot of soup on for whoever showed up, and on the counter fresh loaves of dark, fruit and nut filled, beautiful home baked bread. Those were the days! For two amazing years (one Mars cycle), we let loose with all our utopian fantasies. I don’t regret it for one second. The entire journey was magical, especially the day when an old farmer whom I had never seen before backed his pickup to the kitchen door, and unloaded a 50-pound sack of beans. “For the soup,” he said laconically, before climbing back in and driving off.

Here’s the cover for the first issue. 

Yes, check out the glorious logo — chosen by the artist, hovering over a pen-and-ink drawing of the “Magic Valley” of southern Idaho — which arrived totally unexpected and in time for the first issue.


Oops! And yes, nearly 40 years later, that cover hangs framed, on the wall in back of the toilet.

Meanwhile, when I die, I want my epitaph to read “She opened space.” For that is what my life has been about.




by Ann Kreilkamp

This essay was first published in Crone Chronicles #40, Autumn 1999.

Summer, 1950. I am on my stomach in the back yard. One small patch of grass looms crazily huge, yields a feast of impressions. Lungs soak up the rich earthen smell, heart mingles with this tangled jungle of slim green reeds creating canopies under which scurry tiny ants, nits, spiders, all manner of living things.

As a child I am aware through my own experience on lazy summer days of how the microscopic can swell into prominence.

Lulled by sun’s heat on my browning skin, I lazily turn over. Grass tickles my back. Deliberately, I stare into the brilliant blue sky. Focus my eyes further, deeper into space. How far can I go? I know that the sky is “infinite.” Yet, subconsciously, I am looking for a ceiling. An end to the sky. The inner surface of the ball that holds the earth inside.

As a child, I am also aware, through my fascination with the sky, that there is more than meets the eye.

At night, braving earwigs, I drag my sleeping bag into the back yard. This is my private ritual, a nightly initiation into mystery. As usual, my stomach feels fluttery. Why? It’s the same sky I will be looking into. But there’s something scary about nighttime. It’s not like the day, calm and serene. The darkness feels full, pregnant, bursting with energy, alive. Nervously, I arrange my limbs for maximum comfort. I don’t want to be reminded of my body during this ritual, don’t want it to pull me down. Want to feel free. Free to fly. To whoosh out the top of my head, soar into the blackness beyond the stars.

I am hooked. Hooked on dizziness, ecstatic communion. Hooked on infinity, infinite possibility. “This life,” I know, and, as later I will discover Socrates and Wordsworth knew too, “is but a sleep and a forgetting.”

All my life I have felt the differential between the density of my earthy Taurus Moon, its torpid craving for attachment, security, sameness, and spirit’s need for freedom, soaring, infinity, the unknown, coming through my fiery Sagittarian Sun and Ascendant.

All my life, I have known both Earth and Sky, have sensed the tension between them, and struggled to integrate them internally.

As a young girl, I was brought up to believe that there is One True Church, One True Way of looking at the world; that any other way leads to either hell, purgatory, or “limbo.” My family was Roman Catholic, and of course, I had friends who were not, and I felt sorry for them. Most of my parochial school classmates took their religion with a grain of salt, because it didn’t include a good outcome for their Catholic friends. Not me. I was mentally and emotionally locked into Catholic fundamentalism.

And yet, I was not, not at all. For the night sky was alive, and I regularly floated in its embrace. So though I was a good dogmatic Catholic girl, a larger part of me dwelled within mystery. Even then, though I was too young to realize it, my awareness was multidimensional.

With the onset of puberty, my secret high-flying ways crashed to earth. My Taurus Moon grounded me into surging hormonal cycles. Earth had me now. I desperately needed security and attachment. I was no longer a creature of the sky.

In my early 20s, married to a man I did not love and soon, with two little boys, my awareness was numbed, dulled, lulled into routine: buying, washing, dressing, cleaning, cooking, feeding. Glimpses of nighttime dreams threaded through those endless grey days, warning of the spirit’s plight. In repeating dreams, I was trying to run underwater, or running on a treadmill.

When I was 26 years old, like many others of my generation, my conventional life suddenly shifted into something wild and strange. LSD slammed open the doors of perception, dissolving the clockwork mechanical world of cause and effect into a fantastical flowering dance. Whatever my eye focused on birthed, bloomed, died, transformed, birthed again.

LSD returned my childhood to me, gifted me with the undulating fabric of existence, that living presence wherein the small and the large morph in and out, and “things” peel back their layers, dissolve into a single, organic, growing, shimmering being.

I remembered I could fly.

Once again my world was multidimensional. Only this time with a difference. This time I knew it. I knew my awareness was no longer single, but multiple. That there was not one Truth, but many truths, each relative both to the uniqueness of the moment and to the state of the perceiver. One tiny tab of LSD burst the bubble of my fundamentalist Catholicism, freed me from that mental and emotional cage.

One might think that this would be the end of the story, that, once free, I could be me. In reality, I see now from the perspective of another 30 years, that this initial burst energized the seed of a lifelong journey. A journey that I experience as an evolving process. I am forced to embrace, over and over, an old human dilemma or paradox, namely: how do I live as a spirit within a body? How do I unite the spaciousness of a single, ethereal, invisible presence with the endless blinding, separating bodily cycle of pleasure and pain?

As ever, the micro mirrors the macro. My personal dilemma is ours. As a civilization, we must learn how to live rooted securely on earth, while yet continuously sensing — and ultimately exploring — the spacious context within which earth revolves and makes its yearly journey around the sun.

As a Sagittarian, the cultural ramifications of our common human dilemma initially had more appeal for me than the personal ones. Indeed, not until my 40s could I acknowledge my personal pain. Rather than admit that there were things within myself that I needed to consciously integrate in order to heal, I projected everything out, becoming an activist, trying to save the world.

I was flying high, not grounded in the flow of my own inner life. Indeed, I can hardly call it a “flow,” since what I was experiencing, without knowing it, was sludge. Stuckness. Big time. The continuous low-level anxiety produced by my own unprocessed childhood fears fueled addictions, kept me running around in small repeating circles, while deluding me into thinking that I was going somewhere. Rather than focus on the pain inside, I was desperately trying to run away from myself, determined to fix, heal, change, transform, everything and everyone around me. Eventually, of course, I crashed, the weight of my addictions finally poisoning my body into near-fatal toxicity.

That was in my early 40s. Once I woke up to the fact that I was part of the problem, I figured it would take six months to two years to heal myself. HA! For seven long years I worked to excavate my own unconscious, to emotionally process the ancestral viscous gunk that had generated repeating dysfunctional patterns in my daily habits and in my relationships. From the high-flying activist, I was brought low to the ground, forced to eat my own shit.

Life moves, as they say, “in mysterious ways.” Immediately following that first LSD experience I had begun to search for a philosophical world-view that transcends fundamentalism while remaining grounded in daily life. At that early arrogant age, of course, I had no idea that I did not know how to be “grounded in daily life.” It was the hard emotional work of my 40s that would gift me with some measure of humility. In my 20s, just beginning the search, all my “knowledge” was intellectual, as was I an “intellectual.”

Even so, I was on the same track then that I am on today. All along, soul has been nudging me unswervingly through a certain trajectory. Sometimes I consciously sense the direction, sometimes I feel lost and confused. But at this point I can say with sureness that whenever I feel confused, it is because an old way of understanding the journey is being dissolved to make room for a new and larger understanding.

I still search for a world-view which integrates spirit and matter, which frees the spirit while opening the heart, which loves and respects all earthly concerns while daring to explore the infinite beyond. The search is ongoing. Since my Taurus Moon is so strong, I must always uproot incipient fundamentalism whenever it rears its ancient head — as it often does. That old intellectual desire for certainty which, I now realize, masks an emotional desire for security, is also strong and ongoing. Over and over again, I must transform my tendency to fundamentalism into skepticism. (The word “skeptic,” from the Greek, means “searcher.”)

Always, I seek to avoid identification with either spirit or matter, to integrate them. I have little patience with either “woo-woo” smiley-face spirituality of the New Age, or for the cynical victimization of those who bury their heads in the sand. I want the light and the dark — simultaneously.

I’ve only been able to articulate this search within the past 15 years or so as the one which I have, in fact, been on! Prior to that I knew I was restless, I was searching, but for what? What?

Now I realize what I am about. And I work to find ways to describe what I have discovered so far.

When I was 30 years old, I discovered astrology — and promptly tried to forget it! It was too crazy, too nonsensical, too “woo-woo,” I thought, way too “out-there” for one who was, by this time, a “Ph.D. philosopher.”

But astrology wouldn’t let me go. It drew me like a magnet, and despite several years of confusion, of feeling ashamed of myself for stooping so low as to furtively look at astrological books in bookstores, I finally gave in.

After a few years, I realized that my study of astrology was a continuation of my studies in philosophy. As a graduate student, I had said to my teacher that I wanted to study “Space and Time.” “No, no,” he had admonished. “Too difficult.”

Astrology, the study of the structure and process of space and time, was exactly what I had been looking for all along.

Astrology places Earth within the context of Sky, its heavenly home. And, though astronomers may debate the origins and destiny of the universe, I have always assumed that this heavenly home was endless, infinite, and growing. I find it interesting to note that astronomers now agree with this idea, and talk, no doubt while scratching their heads, of an eternally expanding universe.

The theory about this is one thing. The experience of it is entirely other. Imagine yourself to be inside a universe expanding equally in all directions. Where are you? What is your place inside such a universe? Your place is to be in the center, in the center of everything. You are in the center of the universe. For if the universe is continuously expanding, then the center of the universe is everywhere.

This is a profound understanding. It means that space is a fountain, continuously, indefatigably pouring forth of itself. It means that more and more space is being created every instant. It means that the NOW is a spacious presence, with plenty of room for everything. No living thing need feel crowded. The so-called “instinct” for territoriality — so long used to justify war, and conflict of any kind — is predicated on abject ignorance of the creative nature of the universe.

Each of us is meant to be a fountain of energy, situated in the exact center of the universe, flowing from within. As we release the sludge of our ancestral emotional patterns, the lid pops off the fountain. Each of us is gifted with what most people think of, with nostalgia, as “the fountain of youth,” but is actually there, in latent state, for us all, no matter what our age, the fountain of our own most precious aliveness.

As usual, the old maxim holds: “as above, so below.” Or I should say here, “as below, so above. As within, so without.” For as we unlock the life force within ourselves, our sense of the universe as a whole expands. The more we focus inward, the more the universe opens. This paradoxical understanding is at the heart of astrology, and is symbolized through the conception of planetary energies as being both physical and spiritual, both without and within. “Uranus,” for example, is both a physical body in the sky, and a spiritual energy that lives inside us — or more accurately, in the case of Uranus, which we live inside of. The spiritual energy of Uranus is the invisible globe defined via the circumference of its cycle. The cycle of Uranus is 84 years, i.e., the Uranian globe is very large; very few of us live to be that old. Very few of us, then, undergo a full cycle of Uranus, incorporate the full globe of its meaning into our lives.

All this may sound foolish to the uninitiated, but believe me, I have experienced the energies of the planets, and I know they are real.

How do I experience them? How do I know something is “Uranus,” for example, and not “Saturn,” or “Mars,” or even a bad mood caused by indigestion? I know because I can look up in my Ephemeris (a book of the daily motions of the planets) the timing of events that their motions precipitate. I know because I sense planetary motions as they live inside me, or as I live inside them. The longer their cycles, the longer they take to work, the longer it takes for their meaning to be consciously recognized. We do not understand the meaning of a planet until we have lived through one complete cycle of it. Once one full cycle has been assimilated, we can become conscious of the way it works, the kind of energy it exhibits, how we can expect it to work the next time around.

The larger the cycle that we experience, the more awareness we gain of both space and time. Cycles carve out space through time. The older we become, the larger our awareness. At least in theory. In practice, we must practice this kind of awareness. Pay attention. Notice, for example, the first heavenly cycle that we can become aware of, that of the Moon. Notice how different the feeling at new and full moons. At new moon there is a new beginning of a month-long energy; at full moon there is the full stretch of how much space that time cycle actually includes. The amount of time a particular cycle carves out creates its reality, and that reality lives inside the reality of other cycles. There is no cycle that is not both smaller or larger than others. The infinity of time/space cycles creates realities, they are the warp and woof of the fabric we weave with our daily lives, of the birthing and dying of galaxies.

Each of us stands in the exact center of the universe, surrounded by planetary cycles of varying lengths which are continuously providing us with different experiences. The longer the cycles, the longer the precipitated experience takes to work itself out. The meaning of a particular experience may not become clear for days, months, years, decades. Indeed, any particular point in any cycle can be viewed within any or all of the other planetary cycles, and within each cycle have a different meaning. One event placed within the context of the Mars cycle, the Jupiter cycle, the Saturn cycle, etc., yields different meanings. Now we begin to gain a glimmering of how truth is relative.

Astrology gives structure and an orderly process to what mystics and psychedelic experimenters both recognize as “flow.” Astrology deconstructs the point-by-point line of Newtonian time into moments which can be experienced as large or small, depending on which flow, which cycle, it is being experience within. The “eternal now” is a reality. The “now” expands forever, if we allow it, if we let go of one cycle and move into the next, and the next and the next. We can shift from dimension to dimension, cycle to cycle, each one like the floor of a building, where the kundalini energy of our spines is the elevator, hurtling us from floor to floor.

The more we open to the universe, both within and without, the larger grows our awareness, the greater our corresponding compassion. The larger the truth which we incorporate within our being, the more our heart opens, the greater our love. What was formerly separate, dissolves into unity. The expanding now is the mystic one.

We are here on earth to open up space. Openspace is a verb. Every day, in every way, we are either opening space through love or closing it down through fear-based fundamentalism. Our tendency to fundamentalism freezes things in place. It divides the world into me and not-me. It creates the conditions for conflict, for war. Ultimately our tendency to fundamentalism is a refusal to re-member that the universe is alive and growing. For there are no closed circles in nature. All that seems to circle actually spirals, evolves, changes, dies, forever and ever to be reborn.


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