I remember the first time I got married. Didn’t want no “engagement ring.” Felt like it would signify “ownership.” I did consent to a white gold wedding ring, just as long as he wore one too. He did. At least when he was home. I do remember the day when I threw his clothes from a solo trip into the washing machine and discovered (and quickly “forgot”) what looked like pink lipstick on the collar of a shirt . . .
So, the other three times I was “married” I refused even a wedding ring. Yuck.
On the other hand, I’ve purchased a nice ring with a semi-precious stone set in it to wear on the correct finger of my left hand several times, for months on end, times when I had decided to “marry myself” in order to rest my priorities after a particularly bad bout of co-dependency. Believe it or not, the ring helped. Both because I actually spent money on myself (rare), and so symbolized my own intrinsic value, and because seeing it there reminded me to let go altogether of my tendency to fall into the trance-like “in love” state.
But how to do this? Clue: one must “fill the (yawning, endless) hole in being” that keeps needing to be filled by another. It turns out that this is not true. No one else can fill the hole in one’s own being.
However, one can fill the hole by oneself, one can become whole! How? Just by noticing the hole, the emptiness, just by becoming and staying, aware of that hole, that lingering sucker punch to the heart and stomach, long enough. Believe me, awareness works.
In any case, I found this video both hugely entertaining and deeply instructive. Hmmm. What else is “intrinsically worthless”? Gold? Silver?
