Yesterday morning, August 22, 2018, notes to myself:

I don’t know what to call it, this addiction, but it’s getting worse by the day. An addiction to reading about and listening to youtubes and podcasts about what has now received its own shorthand, SRA, for Satanic Ritual Abuse. Indeed, last night, when I went to bed at around 9 p.m., a siege began. I can’t even remember all of what I listened to on my ipad — interviews with Fiona Barnett stand out — but what I do remember is that I was both riveted, unable to sleep, and gradually noticed my digestive system beginning to painfully cramp. I simply couldn’t stomach what I was hearing.

And yet I continued. One  after another, ALL NIGHT LONG. Why did I not at least pick a different kind of podcast to listen to? For example, soothing music, or some kind of spiritual channeling that would have sent my spirit soaring? No. I seemed to be condemned to lie there, absorbing hour after hour, with brief breaks when I did try to drift off to sleep, and then unable to, turned on the damn ipad again and picked out another audio, thinking I would drift off while listening to it. And yes, I did do that, several times. But I’d say that out of the nine hours I lay abed, from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. I got maybe three hours sleep, and none of that sound, deep sleep. Rather, the drift off kind, in the middle of a podcast, which when it ended, the silence would jerk me awake again.

What happened to the olden days when I was able to meditate when waking up at 2 AM?

Alternatively, what happened to my decision to read books, all sorts of books before sleep, each of them worthy of my time and attention?

No. Books, judging from my behavior, are out. The eyes have seen too much? What remains is the final sense before sleep, that of hearing. And my hearing just goes on and on, absorbing one atrocity after another. From Fiona, for example: The CIA heads up all the child sex trafficking in the whole world. And the CIA bends to MI5, and the Crown, the Rothschilds. That’s where the buck really stops.

Even the SGT report has got in the act now, by interviewing Fiona. That’s the one I listened to first. And I think it was in that one that I heard that in Hollywood, for example, Meryl Streep is the Satanic Queen, or some such, at the very top of the nasty hierarchy. Of course Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas. Oprah Winfrey. Then there’s Nicole Kidman, whose father, Antony Kidman, was at the top of the Satanic/mind control/child rape and sacrifice heap in Australia, and who personally abused Fiona. He was connected to the Nazis who were allowed in after the war down there, and Fiona says, they brought Satanism with them. It is their religion.

Today, thinking about the Catholic Church again, what I was steeped in as a child, mind controlled to beLIEve in, I can’t help but now see the bloody crucifixtion in a new light, and the idea of “eating the body of Christ” in Communion as mirroring Satanic cannabalism.

Am I wrong? Please tell me I’m wrong. That all this is not actually happening, beneath our noses. . . .

_____

Okay, that’s what I wrote yesterday. And as a result of my ruminations upon my decided lack of sleep, not to mention my disorder that involves not only screen time, but an addiction to absorbing pure evil, I have to ask myself: Do I get off on this stuff? Is there a corrupt part of me that it mirrors?

This was the question that absorbed me all of yesterday. Nietzsche:

That, and the need to rebalance myself in this specific area. For yes, I am dedicated to both dark and light, both private and public, both inside and outside, both mental and physical activity, both philosophy and praxis, both community and individualism, on and on; furthermore, I am dedicated to maintaining equilibrium as I explore the edges of all dualities. Always. That need to maintain equilibrium was decidedly breached the night before last, when I lay there, alert, sleepless, and cramped, absorbing pure evil by the hour.

Today, with more perspective and more sleep, I can say that yes, definitely, this evil mirrors the corruption within myself: for insofar as I am human, all that is human is mine.

And yet, ultimately, both dark and light are absorbed into the larger fuel that powers the universe.

As a result of that single climactic night, I decided to change my habit, no matter how much it “hurts” at first. No matter how much I still crave what has become so familiar that I can imagine it like adrenochrome (adrenalized blood from terrorized children who have been brutally traumatized before death; it supposedly gives “life force” to the evil ones who drink it).

I am happy to report that last night, my first night on new regime, which included no screens, no devices in bedroom whatsoever, I slept like a baby, for eight hours, waking only once to use the bathroom and going back to sleep within 30 minutes. I had read the Jane Roberts wonderful book “The Education of Oversoul Seven” for a few pages when I went to bed, and now read a few more pages before drifting off again.

I’m also reading the Rovelli book above, a few paragraphs at a time, during the day. It feeds my lifelong need to explore the possible mechanisms that drive perception.

New regime: no screens in bedroom at night. Period. Books instead, if needed. I’ve done this before, but that promise to myself only lasted one night. This time I’m utterly determined. And maybe it took one nightmare night of completely surrendering to this evil for me to finally grasp how it has been affecting me.  Oh, and BTW: I am done reading or hearing anything more about SRA. It does exist. It’s been going on for centuries. It affects all levels of society. It controls people through blackmail. And we need to take it down. I have been doing my part by sharing here. However, I must not let this abomination take further toll on my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

I find it fascinating that I should come to this decision, this alteration of my own integrated health plans for the long term, right before Mars turns to go direct, on the 27th. More on that later.