Last evening, I heard about a young man who was determined to take his own life when he turned 33. He is now 33, and though still “chronically depressed” he says, has decided to remain, due to the presence of his beautiful young son.
This morning, I was talking with a friend who just returned from a trip to Norway with a childhood friend of hers, a recent widow, and despondent, who told my friend that seeing the Northern Lights was the “last thing on my bucket list.” While there, her childhood friend asked my friend if she would take care of her dogs in the event of her death. “Yes.” Then she asked her if she would come take care of her if she got sick. “Yes.”
They were lying in their beds in the dark as this conversation took place. Then my friend spoke up: “You have every right to make your own decision,” she told her. “But I don’t agree with it.”
It may be easier to make the decision to live life to the fullest right up to the end when we know that our body has declared that the end is near. More difficult, is to live life to the fullest despite not knowing when the end will come, or, as with my friend’s childhood friend, having decided to end it soon. In any case, it may be that last rites are in order for all of us, as the old way of life on Earth dissolves into something new and strange.
No matter what our circumstances, may we be blessed with the kind of elegaic grace that Oliver Sacks manages to demonstrate here..
My Own Life
Oliver Sacks on Learning He Has Terminal Cancer
February 19, 2015
By OLIVER SACKS
newyorktimes

A MONTH ago, I felt that I was in good health, even robust health. At 81, I still swim a mile a day. But my luck has run out — a few weeks ago I learned that I have multiple metastases in the liver. Nine years ago it was discovered that I had a rare tumor of the eye, an ocular melanoma. Although the radiation and lasering to remove the tumor ultimately left me blind in that eye, only in very rare cases do such tumors metastasize. I am among the unlucky 2 percent.
I feel grateful that I have been granted nine years of good health and productivity since the original diagnosis, but now I am face to face with dying. The cancer occupies a third of my liver, and though its advance may be slowed, this particular sort of cancer cannot be halted.
It is up to me now to choose how to live out the months that remain to me. I have to live in the richest, deepest, most productive way I can. In this I am encouraged by the words of one of my favorite philosophers, David Hume, who, upon learning that he was mortally ill at age 65, wrote a short autobiography in a single day in April of 1776. He titled it “My Own Life.”
“I now reckon upon a speedy dissolution,” he wrote. “I have suffered very little pain from my disorder; and what is more strange, have, notwithstanding the great decline of my person, never suffered a moment’s abatement of my spirits. I possess the same ardour as ever in study, and the same gaiety in company.”
I have been lucky enough to live past 80, and the 15 years allotted to me beyond Hume’s three score and five have been equally rich in work and love. In that time, I have published five books and completed an autobiography (rather longer than Hume’s few pages) to be published this spring; I have several other books nearly finished.
Hume continued, “I am … a man of mild dispositions, of command of temper, of an open, social, and cheerful humour, capable of attachment, but little susceptible of enmity, and of great moderation in all my passions.”
Here I depart from Hume. While I have enjoyed loving relationships and friendships and have no real enmities, I cannot say (nor would anyone who knows me say) that I am a man of mild dispositions. On the contrary, I am a man of vehement disposition, with violent enthusiasms, and extreme immoderation in all my passions.
And yet, one line from Hume’s essay strikes me as especially true: “It is difficult,” he wrote, “to be more detached from life than I am at present.”
Over the last few days, I have been able to see my life as from a great altitude, as a sort of landscape, and with a deepening sense of the connection of all its parts. This does not mean I am finished with life.
On the contrary, I feel intensely alive, and I want and hope in the time that remains to deepen my friendships, to say farewell to those I love, to write more, to travel if I have the strength, to achieve new levels of understanding and insight.
1 thought on “How We Begin to Die: Oliver Sacks”
I found this column so much more meaningful than most in even the elite media. Instead of “the Stone,” which presents philosophical discussions of ideas of current interest, I wish the Times editors would feature these more personal, open-ended types of reflections. Even from philosophers!