Confessions of an ________ Addict

Yesterday morning, August 22, 2018, notes to myself:

I don’t know what to call it, this addiction, but it’s getting worse by the day. An addiction to reading about and listening to youtubes and podcasts about what has now received its own shorthand, SRA, for Satanic Ritual Abuse. Indeed, last night, when I went to bed at around 9 p.m., a siege began. I can’t even remember all of what I listened to on my ipad — interviews with Fiona Barnett stand out — but what I do remember is that I was both riveted, unable to sleep, and gradually noticed my digestive system beginning to painfully cramp. I simply couldn’t stomach what I was hearing.

And yet I continued. One  after another, ALL NIGHT LONG. Why did I not at least pick a different kind of podcast to listen to? For example, soothing music, or some kind of spiritual channeling that would have sent my spirit soaring? No. I seemed to be condemned to lie there, absorbing hour after hour, with brief breaks when I did try to drift off to sleep, and then unable to, turned on the damn ipad again and picked out another audio, thinking I would drift off while listening to it. And yes, I did do that, several times. But I’d say that out of the nine hours I lay abed, from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. I got maybe three hours sleep, and none of that sound, deep sleep. Rather, the drift off kind, in the middle of a podcast, which when it ended, the silence would jerk me awake again.

What happened to the olden days when I was able to meditate when waking up at 2 AM?

Alternatively, what happened to my decision to read books, all sorts of books before sleep, each of them worthy of my time and attention?



No. Books, judging from my behavior, are out. The eyes have seen too much? What remains is the final sense before sleep, that of hearing. And my hearing just goes on and on, absorbing one atrocity after another. From Fiona, for example: The CIA heads up all the child sex trafficking in the whole world. And the CIA bends to MI5, and the Crown, the Rothschilds. That’s where the buck really stops.

Even the SGT report has got in the act now, by interviewing Fiona. That’s the one I listened to first. And I think it was in that one that I heard that in Hollywood, for example, Meryl Streep is the Satanic Queen, or some such, at the very top of the nasty hierarchy. Of course Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas. Oprah Winfrey. Then there’s Nicole Kidman, whose father, Antony Kidman, was at the top of the Satanic/mind control/child rape and sacrifice heap in Australia, and who personally abused Fiona. He was connected to the Nazis who were allowed in after the war down there, and Fiona says, they brought Satanism with them. It is their religion.

Today, thinking about the Catholic Church again, what I was steeped in as a child, mind controlled to beLIEve in, I can’t help but now see the bloody crucifixtion in a new light, and the idea of “eating the body of Christ” in Communion as mirroring Satanic cannabalism.

Am I wrong? Please tell me I’m wrong. That all this is not actually happening, beneath our noses. . . .


Okay, that’s what I wrote yesterday. And as a result of my ruminations upon my decided lack of sleep, not to mention my disorder that involves not only screen time, but an addiction to absorbing pure evil, I have to ask myself: Do I get off on this stuff? Is there a corrupt part of me that it mirrors?

This was the question that absorbed me all of yesterday. Nietzsche:


That, and the need to rebalance myself in this specific area. For yes, I am dedicated to both dark and light, both private and public, both inside and outside, both mental and physical activity, both philosophy and praxis, both community and individualism, on and on; furthermore, I am dedicated to maintaining equilibrium as I explore the edges of all dualities. Always. That need to maintain equilibrium was decidedly breached the night before last, when I lay there, alert, sleepless, and cramped, absorbing pure evil by the hour.

Today, with more perspective and more sleep, I can say that yes, definitely, this evil mirrors the corruption within myself: for insofar as I am human, all that is human is mine.

And yet, ultimately, both dark and light are absorbed into the larger fuel that powers the universe.

As a result of that single climactic night, I decided to change my habit, no matter how much it “hurts” at first. No matter how much I still crave what has become so familiar that I can imagine it like adrenochrome (adrenalized blood from terrorized children who have been brutally traumatized before death; it supposedly gives “life force” to the evil ones who drink it).

I am happy to report that last night, my first night on new regime, which included no screens, no devices in bedroom whatsoever, I slept like a baby, for eight hours, waking only once to use the bathroom and going back to sleep within 30 minutes. I had read the Jane Roberts wonderful book “The Education of Oversoul Seven” for a few pages when I went to bed, and now read a few more pages before drifting off again.


I’m also reading the Rovelli book above, a few paragraphs at a time, during the day. It feeds my lifelong need to explore the possible mechanisms that drive perception.

New regime: no screens in bedroom at night. Period. Books instead, if needed. I’ve done this before, but that promise to myself only lasted one night. This time I’m utterly determined. And maybe it took one nightmare night of completely surrendering to this evil for me to finally grasp how it has been affecting me.  Oh, and BTW: I am done reading or hearing anything more about SRA. It does exist. It’s been going on for centuries. It affects all levels of society. It controls people through blackmail. And we need to take it down. I have been doing my part by sharing here. However, I must not let this abomination take further toll on my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

I find it fascinating that I should come to this decision, this alteration of my own integrated health plans for the long term, right before Mars turns to go direct, on the 27th. More on that later.






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12 Responses to Confessions of an ________ Addict

  1. Carissa says:

    I can relate to this on many levels, though not quite as intense. In general I try to stay away from news and media, yet I’ve been finding myself devouring stories recently with a morbid curiosity. Almost hunting for the dark and ugly to latch on to and say: ‘Look! Here are all the evils in the world! Look at it!” And I crave more, like my soul feeds from the darkness. We all have this in us, look at the movies and tv shows that become popular. As much as we talk about purity and light, there is a piece of us that revels in the shadows and darkness.
    As you said, it is a need for balance. We are beings of darkness and of light. Though it’s hard to admit this in the face of atrocities like child abuse and deep manipulations, I have come to believe that there is no such thing as ‘evil’. By labeling something as such it as an immediate rejection and revulsion of that part of us it is reflecting. It’s hard to stomach that a part of my own psyche is reflected in the abuse of the Catholic church, and in the egoism of our President. Yet we would not devour it so if our subconscious didn’t see those pieces in ourselves.
    Whether it’s trauma from our childhood, or just a darkness we fear, it’s important to peer into our shadow and love every aspect. Give it a big hug and say ‘I know you are a part of me. I don’t understand you, but I love you, and I am here for whatever it is you need to reveal to me.’ The answer may not be immediate, I’m still learning, but there is something beautifully healing in sending love to those places we’ve been shunning.
    I hope this comment wasn’t too preachy, you got my brain juices flowing 🙂 Much love to you for sharing. As a reflection of my own infinite soul, and also as the unique being that you are, I appreciate your raw honesty <3

  2. Max says:

    The books are glad to have you back in their lives

  3. litebeing says:

    I have a rule for many years, no screens in the bedroom. That room is my solace from all the “noise.” I noticed the Robert Moss book in your post; that is a great book!
    I have been researching some of the same material plus the Q material, often also at night. It is not good for my overall health either. While I agree it is important from a soul perspective to seek balance within the 3D world of duality, and hiding from dark does not eradicate it. Having said that, I need to not go guns blazing into these areas without time to delve into its opposite.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    • Ann Kreilkamp says:

      It will be interesting to see what kind of a state I am in when I have also banned screens in bedroom for many years! Thanks for your encouragement.

  4. You might want to turn away from the tv too. the impact it had on me I now know.
    Haven’t watched for 12 years, and wish I never had.
    Wish you the best,
    JoAnne Decker

  5. roseday says:

    Ann, the angst is totally resonant. The Satanic Ritual Abuse paradigm is Energy Theft of Planet Earth on a mammoth scale and appears invincible, a fact made even more disconcerting upon realization that this all-consuming and cancerous paradigm has been alive and well for eons and is seemingly passed on millennia after millennia ad infinitum.

    I am reminded of a time in the not too distant past when you and I considered a collaborative series on human trafficking. Could we have been more naïve??? The issue which is beyond huge in scope, presently generates billions and many who have attempted investigation into this illicit enterprise are no longer alive.

    That said, the question becomes . . . does one roll over and play dead on the subject? A total roll-over does not seem conducive and this may be a good spot to interject a few thoughts on the ‘our dark souls are in the mirror’ meme which (imho) actually works to subliminally negate individual responsibility on the path toward a seemingly purposeful trouncing of the concept of sovereignty in general.

    It is not without irony that celluloid queen, Meryl Streep was referenced in the article and it is good to be reminded that she is an excellent ACTRESS and her profession makes a boat load of money promoting the universal polarization that is in tandem with the ‘I am really good yet I am also really bad’ meme, a concept which essentially entered the collective psyche with the notion that Original Sin is the human condition.

    The practice of Satanic Ritual Abuse is drenched in what seems utter madness and investigation and verification of the practice is incredibly draining in every way.
    The situation is further compounded by the fact that the information is generally so horrific that many people shut down in either dis-belief and/or denial which actually enables the practice to thrive.

    Further, this shut-down poses significant challenge to the theory that Planet Earth is presently within a profound window of quantum energetic possibilities that can truly enable Humanity to address and rid the planet of the scourge that is Satanic Ritual Abuse IF Humanity so chooses. Therein lies the conundrum . . . how can Humanity address that which Humanity does not know?

    The situation has ostensibly been a virtual no-win for Mankind throughout the ages and a true beseeching for guidance and intervention toward solving the dilemma of SRA seems of real value at this stage of the game.

    PS: Ann, thank you for all that you provide in the way of educating your readers on topics of which we may be unaware.

    • Ann Kreilkamp says:

      Yes, it is hard to imagine that you and I were actually thinking we could do something meaningful re: SRA. One thing the passing years do bring, if aware: WISDOM! Or at least, knowing better now.

  6. Anthony says:

    Awww, and here I was going to share a fifty-page “Pizzagate” thread with you that really blows the whole thing open. Oh well, next time 🙂

    I get what you are going through, though. As I have told others, I personally have spent most of my adult life dredging the Marianas Trench, bringing the darkness out into the light for others to see. But as I have come to recognize recently, that isn’t exactly good for one’s mental health if not properly balanced.

    So I’ve been doing what you are doing – reading books and letting go of the ‘net. At least, a bit!! But one thing I want to ask you, is: please, do NOT take on any guilt for what has happened with the Catholic Church, especially re: pedo stuff. That is *exactly* what they would want you to do, BTW, because they have been in the business of having OTHERS feel guilt and pay penance for what THEY have done, for millennia. That’s how they have avoided karmic consequences for so long, because their most pious members paid it instead of those actually doing the evil. And: YOU ARE NOT EVIL!!

    Take care,


    p.s. finally heard from Gabe and Sharon, and will receive orgone hopefully next week to send on to you. And they sent me a link to this You-Tube video, which is incredibly empowering and something else Trump should do to get close to the Earth:

    (the best parts are the first 35-40 minutes, then from 1:03 to 1:11).

    • Ann Kreilkamp says:

      Okay okay. Send me the 50-page URL. I feel more balanced now, and will only look at this stuff in the daytime! Still keeping my promise to myself to not have screens in bedroom at night. (Bedroom is also my office, during the day.) And thanks for the youtube reference. Will check it out!

      • Anthony says:

        I was half-kidding, just testing your resolve!! The thread exists and is about 50 pages long but it doesn’t come any closer to solving anything. It does have a lot of interesting links and insights for anyone who wants to slog through it, but it’s not worth staying up all night for!! Here it is:

        You may find post #719 (by Aragorn) very interesting, as it involves a unique take on Kathy O’Brien, Fiona Barnett, and Mark Phillips; plus there is an interesting video.

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