All day yesterday, I noticed that my awareness had been infected by deep gunk from the past. One after another, old sludgy dramas trudging into view, like a dirty, viscous —vicious! — oily sludge that magnetized present situations and sucked them in so that they too, appeared negative.
This kept going on, all afternoon. Intermittently, a larger, more subtle awareness briefly recognized what was happening:
This has nothing to do with what’s going on now. Gunk from the past is resurfacing, overlaying present events to control the way I interpret them. Yuck! Stop!
So I did. I stopped. And then had to stop again, and again. The gunk was persistent.
That I kept “waking up” to this infection while it was invading awareness is remarkable. And makes me remember all those times when I did not wake up in time, but instead got caught up in the negativity, which generated further drama.
I think of the astrology of this present time between May 28 and August 3, how transit Mars is retrograding back into the final degrees of karmic Scorpio. And what that means for me. And why now, these few days? Here’s a partial view of the chart for this moment.
See transit Mars (bottom right) , at 26° 08 Scorpio, moving backwards, closing in on its opposition to swiftly moving transit Mercury at 24°35 Taurus (top left).
So, it’s the fact that Mars is being opposed by Mercury during these few days! That’s what’s generated, for me, the communication (Mercury) between my “higher” and “lower” selves. Because, well, well, wouldn’t you know! Here’s a partial view of my natal chart, showing Mars at 2°41 Sagittarius (top left), widely opposing Moon at 23°02 Taurus.
Yep. Moon at 23° Taurus. The transit Mercury for today (and yesterday) happens to fall on my natal Moon.
Which then, happens to be opposed to transit Mars, in Scorpio, dredging up suppressed memories of emotional gunk from long-ago dramas wherein I was most likely surreptitiously excercising my “will to power” while either pretending to “do good” or just plain wanting what I wanted and others be damned.
What I am doing here is giving an up-close-and-personal example of the mechanics of the impersonal forces we are subjected to on this small spinning globe in the ever-changing frequency field of our local solar system.
I thought I broke through the mechanics (the matrix) of my own unconsciousness decades ago, when I was 26 years old. At that moment when, after being riveted to the eureka moment of “self-remembering” as illustrated in Ouspensky’s book about Gurdjieff, I realized for the first time, while walking down the street, that I had been unconsciously typing in the air, with my fingers, over and over and over again: “YOU ARE A MESS. YOU ARE A MESS.”
But apparently that was just the beginning of the journey. Because here I am, at 73 years old, having to catch myself in moments of unconsciousness, when dark forces from past peccadillos foam up like a noxious toxic cloud and threaten to suffocate awareness to the point where once again, I’m tripped back into mechanicalness.
Given that I, who have aimed so high for so long can still fall into the abyss, what can I expect from others who have not yet been called to wake up?
And even more crucial, what can I expect from nation-states and corporations, and the zeitgeist itself, the swirling encircling clutching, competing territorial power grab?
Yes, given the unconsciousness of even my own small self who has intended with such intensity and for so long to wake up moment by moment, it does seem truly miraculous that we humans have not yet already blown ourselves up.
On the other hand, we do seem to be well on our way again, with a new “Cuban Missile Crisis” looming with Russia. No surprise, given that US/NATO is encircling that nation on its borders with weapons of mass destruction.
BTW: I notice that even the L A. Times is recognizing that the aggressor is not Russia, but the U.S.
Is the LA Times breaking through the matrix? Not going along with its MSM handlers? What gives? YES!
Meanwhile, I’m part-way through this long piece by a young person on the dynamic process of waking up, and so far, it seems well worth my precious time.