Up-Close-And-Personal Department: WAKING UP IS NOT FOR SISSIES!

All day yesterday, I noticed that my awareness had been infected by deep gunk from the past. One after another, old sludgy dramas trudging into view, like a dirty, viscous —vicious! — oily sludge that magnetized present situations and sucked them in so that they too, appeared negative.

This kept going on, all afternoon. Intermittently, a larger, more subtle awareness briefly recognized what was happening:

This has nothing to do with what’s going on now. Gunk from the past is resurfacing, overlaying present events to control the way I interpret them. Yuck! Stop!

So I did. I stopped. And then had to stop again, and again. The gunk was persistent.

That I kept “waking up” to this infection while it was invading awareness is remarkable. And makes me remember all those times when I did not wake up in time, but instead got caught up in the negativity, which generated further drama.

I think of the astrology of this present time between May 28 and August 3, how transit Mars is retrograding back into the final degrees of karmic Scorpio. And what that means for me. And why now, these few days? Here’s a partial view of the chart for this moment.

See transit Mars (bottom right) , at 26° 08 Scorpio, moving backwards, closing in on its opposition to swiftly moving transit Mercury at 24°35 Taurus (top left).

Screen Shot 2016-06-08 at 10.01.08 AM

So, it’s the fact that Mars is being opposed by Mercury during these few days! That’s what’s generated, for me, the communication (Mercury) between my “higher” and “lower” selves. Because, well, well, wouldn’t you know! Here’s a partial view of my natal chart, showing Mars at 2°41 Sagittarius (top left), widely opposing Moon at 23°02 Taurus.


Screen Shot 2016-06-08 at 10.06.56 AM


Yep. Moon at 23° Taurus. The transit Mercury for today (and yesterday) happens to fall on my natal Moon.

Screen Shot 2016-06-08 at 10.07.32 AM

Which then, happens to be opposed to transit Mars, in Scorpio, dredging up suppressed memories of  emotional gunk from long-ago dramas wherein I was most likely surreptitiously excercising my “will to power” while either pretending to “do good” or just plain wanting what I wanted and others be damned.

What I am doing here is giving an up-close-and-personal example of the mechanics of the impersonal forces we are subjected to on this small spinning globe in the ever-changing frequency field of our local solar system.

I thought I broke through the mechanics (the matrix) of my own unconsciousness decades ago, when I was 26 years old. At that moment when, after being riveted to the eureka moment of “self-remembering” as illustrated in Ouspensky’s book about Gurdjieff, I realized for the first time, while walking down the street, that I had been unconsciously typing in the air, with my fingers, over and over and over again: “YOU ARE A MESS. YOU ARE A MESS.”

But apparently that was just the beginning of the journey. Because here I am, at 73 years old, having to catch myself in moments of unconsciousness, when dark forces from past peccadillos foam up like a noxious toxic cloud and threaten to suffocate awareness to the point where once again, I’m tripped back into mechanicalness.

Given that I, who have aimed so high for so long can still fall into the abyss, what can I expect from others who have not yet been called to wake up?

And even more crucial, what can I expect from nation-states and corporations, and the zeitgeist itself, the swirling encircling clutching, competing territorial power grab? 

Yes, given the unconsciousness of even my own small self who has intended with such intensity and for so long to wake up moment by moment, it does seem truly miraculous that we humans have not yet already blown ourselves up.

On the other hand, we do seem to be well on our way again, with a new “Cuban Missile Crisis” looming with Russia. No surprise, given that US/NATO is encircling that nation on its borders with weapons of mass destruction.

Why the Standoff between the United States and Russia Is Here to Stay

BTW: I notice that even the L A. Times is recognizing that the aggressor is not Russia, but the U.S.

LA Times: Russia Is Acting in Self-Defense

Is the LA Times breaking through the matrix? Not going along with its MSM handlers? What gives? YES!

Meanwhile, I’m part-way through this long piece by a young person on the dynamic process of waking up, and so far, it seems well worth my precious time.

Stages of Conscious Awakening




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5 Responses to Up-Close-And-Personal Department: WAKING UP IS NOT FOR SISSIES!

  1. Charles H Lawrence says:

    I am giggling… The head is nodding in agreement.. I am filled with core laughter.. And warmly touched with deep re-cognition… And, more!

  2. Such synchronous timing. I’ve got four planets (I think) in Gemini in my 10th house, so lots getting influenced there, plus some MAJOR North Node in Capricorn stuff coming up. It literally feels like if I continue my South Node Cancer ways, I will actually get cancer. My mom’s fine, but the rest? Oyyyyyy.

    This morning, I awoke from an intensely cleansing dream. Someone who spent most of my life lying to me and manipulating me started doing so again — putting out the friendly, “generous” bait. As he was doing so, I literally started to dry heave from another dimension. He yelled at me to get off “his” couch, even though it was my mom’s couch. I ran to the bathroom and started vomiting from my lungs, not my stomach, and it was concrete and dried up, crusty sludge like the roads get when you clear the snow to the side with all the salt and dirt.

    I’ve been saying I need to do a cleanse, but ever since I woke myself up with the sounds of me dry heaving this gravelly, sludgy concrete out of my lungs, I’ve felt fantastic. It’s like a reset to pre-9/11, just after I had done a memorial service/funeral for my old self, attended by my dad and brother, right before I moved to Seattle for my fresh start. 9/11 came after many dreams and completely freaked me out, which led to quite a lengthy (though productive) detour.

    All eventually reveals itself — and releases its hold if we let it. I know what you’re talking about! Holy moly has 2016 been a roller coaster of back loops to earlier times with the opportunity of a cosmic reset. In February, I would not have predicted how this has all shaken down, but this morning I realized, “Oh, it all shook down as I had been on track to do in August 2001. I just got derailed because I wasn’t confident in the things I ‘knew’ without knowing why or how I knew them.” Wildly freeing times!

  3. alex simack says:

    Hi Ann,

    Your essay reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from an old essay of mine:

    As Taisha Abelar writes: “The pull of the daily world is so strong and sustained that in spite of their most assiduous training, all practitioners find themselves again and again in the midst of the most abject terror, stupidity and indulging, as if they had learned nothing. My teachers warned me that I was no exception. And that only a minute to minute relentless struggle can balance one’s natural but stupefying insistence to remain unchanged.” (Taisha Abelar is a member of a group of seekers which included Carlos Castaneda. Her book is entitled The Sorcerers’ Crossing.)

    I wonder if that “gunk from the past” is simply what Taisha calls the “pull of the daily world,” that can be so overpowering. Of course there’s always the personal interpretation and I know as well as any seeker about old guilt, regrets and longing. I might just know a tiny bit more about what’s in the no-osphere (spelling?). In this instance, this time of now and the past few weeks, I wonder if the “daily pull” is the resistance to yesterday’s tremendous outpouring of mourning, of recognition, of joy — at Ali’s memorial service right nearby in Louisville. My wife and I were able to watch a good part just because I “accidentally” tuned into the channel carrying the live broadcast while carelessly looking for what time the Cubs’ game might be televised later in the evening.

    “Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall find comfort.” Yes, indeed, as my wife and I have been able to share these deep feelings, renewing our “soulmate” stuff.

    My mom always used to say death comes in three’s. This cycle has brought my discovery of the death of an old college roommate, the tragic early death of a beloved family dog, and now finally (?) the death of Ali. I’m always grateful when death brings release from long suffering, new freedom (hopefully), and the chance for so many humans to mourn together. What an amazing bunch great eulogies! I believe they’re all on youtube already.

    Thanks Ann for being so generous in your writings here! I, too, enjoy astrology, and I follow another Bloomingtonian, Gary Paul Glynn.


    Alex Simack

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