This morning, out walking with puppy Shadow, I was wrestling with myself. Just what am I still doing here? On this planet? A part of me would like to be able to, once again, “have a relationship,” a personal relationship, that is, a Venus connection, such as with my late husband. But another part of me knows that at this point in my long life, I’m here as a Neptunian; that for me, love extends through the heart to all beings, everywhere. And yet, though I realize that one-to-one connections are a subset of that oneness, something I’ve engaged in time after time in my seven decades, never, I am finally able to confess now, did I do so with full surrender to the give-and-receive with a single other being. So, of course, I wonder if I could! Or should! Or would!
Here’s an essay I wrote in 2007 that encapsulates my evolving experience of human love.
Meanwhile, writing this exopermaculture blog, sharing through the kaleidoscoping mind and opening heart in this manner, feels immensely satisfying. And furthermore, on all our morning walks, I enjoy successive blessings given and received from stranger after stranger as we pass each other by, greeting eyes and hearts with smiles. Really quite extraordinary. Plus, the breezes . . . ah the breezes! How they envelope me, swirl around me like the caress of a many-armed lover! I close my eyes and nearly swoon! So grateful!
Today, on arriving home, I found a surprise email from a woman responding to This Vast Being: A Voyage through Grief and Exaltation, the book I wrote about the first year following the death of my husband Jeff, ten years ago. Despite the book having received a USA News Best Book award in 2007, it doesn’t receive much publicity. So, despite that I know it is valuable especially for those who are, or who wish to undergoing a conscious, multidimensional grieving experience, I still have 2000 copies of the book left, stacked in my basement. If you, or someone you know, is in grief, remember This Vast Being. It may help them. Or if you have other ideas as to how to get this book to where it would be of value, please let me know!
Here’s the statement from R.H. today:
I have just finished your book “This Vast Being” since receiving it in the mail yesterday afternoon. My husband, Kevin, transitioned on July 31 at the age of 43 after being diagnosed with cancer last October. While doing some research on grief I came across your book and ordered it immediately. I’ve read a few snippets here and there from others that have resonated, but only your book has captured the complexity of what I’m going through right now.
The usual synchronicity! Just when I was feeling out of sorts, wondering whether or not my time on this planet at this time is still of value, this email arrived, from Idaho Falls, Idaho, unsolicited, from a “stranger.” So grateful!