Note: I wrote this yesterday, and thought I had posted it. NOT!
I sit here at my dad’s PC on Mercer Island in Seattle, trying to get comfortable with the way it feels. I need to decide whether or not to attempt to re-enter the very strong current that had been propelling through me ever since I started this website in late January.
What I did not say in the last post, and would have done so, had I been on my computer instead of the ipad – but my computer had just crashed, totally crashed, white screen, nothing else – was that I had arisen Sunday morning and realized that I had no more to say, that the huge tsunami that had been moving through me was done. And then, I went to the computer and discovered that it too, was done!
What happened next: I sat there in my big chair all day. My son Colin came over and remarked that I looked “peaceful” for the first time in months. I told him I felt drugged; that I wasn’t having nearly as much fun as before, and felt disoriented. Even so, he said, you look more peaceful.
Then, traveling to Seattle, all day, blessing the world, blessing each being that my eyes sought out; smiling – shyly or exuberant – with one, then another, and another. With each exchange, the energy expanded further into near-delirium.
So many good souls, all of us good souls, and each absorbed in his or her own private struggles. All I need do is reach out with my my soul, and immediately, most of us are right here, making contact, moving through the same waters, enveloped in the love field.
On the airplane, practicing modified tonglen breathing: breath in light from above, dark (suffering) from below, into the heart simultaneously: transmute into love and breath out to envelope the world. Wow! So incredibly easy and unencumbered, this meditation while in the air above the Earth. SO . . . MUCH . . . LIGHT! Inside light, surrounded by light . . .
When I turned toward the window (we were at 36,000 feet above the clouds, and I was sitting on the aisle), I could only barely glance out before turning away. At this point, sudden thought: could it be that there actually is more light in the visible spectrum as well as the invisible? Do the pilots wear sunglasses, or is the glass tinted? How do they bear it?
I haven’t heard anyone talking about this. Is the intensified visible light “real” (i.e., out there?) or is it just “in here.” I.e., do I perceive more light because my own physical system is now more sensitized.
Out there/in here: harder and harder to tell the difference, or to even care. More and more, a feeling of flow, all of us like a school of fish, or birds, circulating in an ocean of consciousness, nourished in currents of compassion.
It reminds me of way back when, in 2000, at a Dances of Universal Peace event in the mountains of Utah. We were camping and praying and eating together; and we were dancing to Sufi and other inspired lyrics and music, for at least four hours a day, in several sessions. We were sitting in devotion at the feet of the divine.
And on the final day, the final dance, a circle dance, where we passed in and out of each others’ gaze, one by one, by one; direct, unafraid, in communion. The music stopped. I turned to face the forest outside, and that’s when, I swear, I saw the trees waving, clapping, cheering, delirious with the ecstasy that our week-long ceremony had engendered.
At lunch, just prior to packing up for the long drive home, it was time to return from the deep within to the surface. Slowly, haltingly, as if we’d rather not, we addressed each other by name, told a few personal stories. We were practicing a different ritual now, that of people in conversation. Reluctant, we were beginning the long sojourn back from soul to personality. As if we had been strangers while dancing! These souls with whom we had shared the eternal intimacy of the divine!
Just as now, I dance with my 93- and 95-year old parents, moving slowly to the table for food and back again to their big chairs. Slowed down, “drugged” the way I was when stepping away from the computer’s velocity.
It was hard yesterday, the first day; we were moving at such different frequencies. 24 hours later, the atmosphere has shifted and our souls dance.
Meanwhile, my phone also doesn’t work here, nor does my email account! Amazing! I’m obviously meant to let go of electronic dazzle for awhile and BE with them. Even stealing away from the big chair (there’s a third one for me) for these few minutes feels like a betrayal. Yet I do it. I blast back into our high frequency universe. Why do I love it so, the speed?
Because I’m addicted to the high? Because it’s so much fun to write? Because this love that we all share has me so intoxicated? Because I want to sing out to the world, here, we are here, all of us, here? Rejoice and be glad!